\u0130T\u00dc \u00f6\u011frencilik y\u0131llar\u0131m ter\u00f6r ve anar\u015finin \u00fclkeye k\u00e2bus gibi \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc; do\u011falgaz\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, kalorifer kazanlar\u0131nda yakacak mazotun bile bulunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131; apartmanlar\u0131n buz gibi so\u011fuk oldu\u011fu ve \u00f6ld\u00fcrme olaylar\u0131 nedeniyle \u00fcniversitelerin ikide bir kapand\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u0131llara rasgeldi. Bu da benim \u015fans\u0131mm\u0131\u015f diyerek okulun kapal\u0131 oldu\u011fu zamanlarda elimden geldi\u011fi kadar derslerimle ilgili veya ilgisiz bir s\u00fcr\u00fc kitap okudum; \u00f6\u011frenmem gereken ve gerekmeyen bir s\u00fcr\u00fc \u015fey \u00f6\u011frendim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Okulum olaylar nedeniyle kapand\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman, belki birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn veya birka\u00e7 hafta kendimi me\u015fgul edebiliyordum ama annemi, babam\u0131 ve karde\u015flerimi \u00f6zledi\u011fim i\u00e7in bazen \u0130stanbul\u2019dan bir otob\u00fcse atlay\u0131p, A\u011fr\u0131’ya gidiyordum. Bunu \u00f6yle basit bir \u015fey sanmay\u0131n; yazlar\u0131 25 saat, k\u0131\u015flar\u0131 35 saat s\u00fcren bir yolculuktu. Babam gelece\u011fimi bilirdi; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc otob\u00fcs paras\u0131 gerekirdi. Telefon a\u00e7ard\u0131m; ya babam g\u00f6nderirdi veya onun talimat\u0131yla gider, arkada\u015f\u0131 Tahtakale esnaf\u0131 kolonyac\u0131 K\u00e2mil beyden al\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ama bir seferinde, 3 ayda bir verilen \u00f6\u011frenci burslar\u0131 nedeniyle cebimde yeteri kadar para vard\u0131. Bu sefer hi\u00e7 haber vermeden, san\u0131r\u0131m bir May\u0131s g\u00fcn\u00fc, otob\u00fcse atlad\u0131m … vard\u0131m A\u011fr\u0131\u2019ya. \u015eehir merkezindeki babam\u0131n d\u00fckk\u00e2n\u0131na gitmek yerine hemen eve y\u00f6neldim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eve vard\u0131m; kap\u0131 kapal\u0131yd\u0131 ama kilitli olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na bakmadan kap\u0131ya hafif\u00e7e vurdum. Annemin i\u00e7eriden kap\u0131ya do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc ayak seslerinden duyuyordum. G\u00fcnd\u00fcz olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen, her zaman ihtiyatl\u0131 olan annem, \u201ckim o\u201d diye sordu. \u201cO\u011flun, \u00c7etin\u201d diyemedim … aptalca bir \u015faka yapmak istedim, \u201cAllah misafiri\u201d dedim. Annem, kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131 ve beni g\u00f6rd\u00fc. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey demeden, y\u00fcz\u00fcme ve \u00f6zellikle g\u00f6zlerime daha \u00f6nce hi\u00e7 bu kadar y\u00fcksek yo\u011funlukla hissetmedi\u011fim, ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc bir s\u0131cakl\u0131k ve \u015fefkatle bakmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. G\u00f6zlerimi kama\u015ft\u0131rmayan ama t\u00fcm y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc \u0131s\u0131tan parlak bir g\u00fcne\u015fe bak\u0131yor gibiydim. Tam o anda annemin g\u00f6zlerinden ya\u015flar d\u00f6k\u00fclmeye ba\u015flad\u0131 \u2026 g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131 yanaklar\u0131na iniyor, oradan da entarisinin g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcne daml\u0131yordu. \u201cAllah misafiri\u201d dedi\u011fime bin pi\u015fman oldum. Salak m\u0131y\u0131m ben, ne yapt\u0131m, dedim, kendi kendime. Ne yapt\u0131m ben? Ni\u00e7in ad\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6ylemedim de onu b\u00f6yle \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtt\u0131m. Hi\u00e7 konu\u015fmadan bana bak\u0131yor ve sessizce a\u011fl\u0131yordu. Benim de g\u00f6zlerimden ya\u015flar d\u00f6k\u00fclmeye ba\u015flad\u0131; Ana o\u011ful sessizce ve durmaks\u0131z\u0131n d\u00f6k\u00fclen g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131zla birbirimize bak\u0131yor ve a\u011fl\u0131yorduk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Annem, hafif bir sesle, \u201cSen misafir de\u011filsin balam\u201d diye s\u00f6ze ba\u015flad\u0131 … \u201cSen misafir de\u011filsin, sen misafir de\u011filsin, sen misafir de\u011filsin\u201d diye tekrarlamaya devam etti. Bu c\u00fcmle yava\u015f\u00e7a bir t\u00fcrk\u00fcye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Saniyeler akt\u0131 ve benim anam, Erivan radyosundan birlikte dinledi\u011fimiz dengbejlerin s\u00f6yledi\u011fi K\u00fcrt\u00e7e t\u00fcrk\u00fclerin makam\u0131nda ve bir daha kesinlikle unutamayaca\u011f\u0131m tek sat\u0131rl\u0131k bir t\u00fcrk\u00fc besteledi ve s\u00f6yledi: \u201cSen Misafir De\u011filsin Balam\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Saniyeler durdu, Annemin t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00f6ylerken ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc, hafif hafif ve dengesizce salland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve yere do\u011fru d\u00fc\u015fmekte oldu\u011funu fark ettim. \u0130leri f\u0131rlad\u0131m, tutmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. O anda k\u0131z karde\u015fim Leyla arkas\u0131nda belirdi, d\u00fc\u015fmekte olan annemi ve beni g\u00f6rd\u00fc, \u201cAbi\u201d diye \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k att\u0131. Ben, \u201cLeyla git Cemile Abay\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u201d diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m; annemi tutarak yere uzanmas\u0131na yard\u0131m ettim. Leyla d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya f\u0131rlad\u0131. Annem bay\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131; ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131na bir minder koydum, e\u011filip g\u00f6zlerini, yanaklar\u0131n\u0131 aln\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6pmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. \u00c7ok halsizce nefes al\u0131yordu. G\u00f6zlerini arada bir hafif\u00e7e a\u00e7\u0131yordu. Ka\u00e7 dakika oldu bilmiyorum, Cemile Abam\u0131z i\u00e7eri girdi. Leylaya, git kolonya getir dedi. Kolonyayla Annemin aln\u0131n\u0131 ve \u015fakaklar\u0131n\u0131 ovdu, 3 Kulhuvallah 1 Elham okudu. Annem yava\u015f yava\u015f kendine gelmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Cemile Abam, bana \u00e7ok k\u0131zd\u0131, \u201cO\u011flum b\u00f6yle \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtma anneni; onun kalbi sa\u011flam de\u011fil, bir g\u00fcn durur valla; Evlad\u0131m balam can\u0131m, yapma bir daha\u201d dedi. Hi\u00e7 yapar m\u0131y\u0131m, Cemile Aba, dedim; hi\u00e7 yapar m\u0131y\u0131m?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u0130T\u00dc \u00f6\u011frencilik y\u0131llar\u0131m ter\u00f6r ve anar\u015finin \u00fclkeye k\u00e2bus gibi \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc; do\u011falgaz\u0131n olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, kalorifer kazanlar\u0131nda yakacak mazotun bile bulunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131; apartmanlar\u0131n buz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1804","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humans","category-time"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1804","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1804"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1804\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1812,"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1804\/revisions\/1812"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1804"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1804"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cetinkayakoc.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1804"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}